Monday, March 14, 2005

Nude Professor Juggles, Wins Beauty Pageant

Pharyngula: Maybe We Should Call Them "Gehirnwurms"

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
On an isle remote,
with conch-shells and tortoises,
and glass-bottomed boats.

2. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLES OF CLOTHING?
Pocket-protector,
shirt, tie, and elbow-patched coat,
and maybe some pants.

3. THE LAST CDs YOU BOUGHT?
Protest as I may,
I cannot do but admit
'twas one of Tori's.

4. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
Before the first bird,
or the cricket's first scraping,
or the garbage-men.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
Processor of beans,
purveyor of java-juice;
ah, steadfast machine!

6. IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Please insert joke here,
clever, adroitly scripted,
about the flesh flute.

7. FAVORITE COLOR?
Grass-stains on my knees,
or the gleaming of absinthe,
bring me equal joy.

8. WHICH VEHICLE DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR, MOTORCYCLE, OR SUV?
There's no other choice?
I pedal bipedally,
or walk, if there's ice.

9. DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE AFTERLIFE?
After life, I plan
a fragrant return to soil;
a crop of daisies.

10. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
I like Neil Gaiman with a moose;
I like Neil Gaiman with a goose.
I like him fast; I like him loose,
I like him served with Dr. Seuss.

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
The season of snow,
of frozen birds in the street,
hot cocoa in hand.

12. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
Two Jesus-fishes,
one on each cheek; between them,
here's a Jesus-foul.(1)

13. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPERPOWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
The power of evil;
like an invasive species,
I'd conquer the world.

14. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
(See question 24, and also the footnote at the bottom of this page.)

15. ONE PERSON/PEOPLE FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
Ur-PZ Myers,
the prototype I sprang from:
"I am your father."

16. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?
An ecosystem,
verdant, green, self-sustaining,
on a piece of bread.

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
One when I was young,
and so, too, my sweet Doris.
I blinked, and grew old.

18. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Carry-out from work:
embryonic zebrafish
flip-flop on my plate.

19. FROM THE PEOPLE WHO NORMALLY READ YOUR BLOG, WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
Chris Clarke, on the blog;
then, phoning from cyberspace,
some haiku-stalker.

20. ON WHICH BLOG DID YOU FIND THIS MEME?
On a site inspired
by TV and eighties bands,
or so it would seem.

21. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER?
Speak not of flowers,
but of their organs: of those,
I prefer petals.

23. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL?
One in the oven.
I dream of lunch at breakfast,
and dinner, at lunch.

24. DESCRIBE YOUR PJS.
(Just kidding. Phunicular might go there, but not I. Insert your own inappropriate observation on pantslessness and juggling, if you must.)

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST?
Like the worker-bee,
I buzz about my business,
dark-roast vigorous.

26. DO YOU LIKE YOUR JOB?
Yes, and yes again;
yes, and yet once more, I do.
It's better than yours.

27. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB?
One with zebrafish,
and words like "pharyngula",
which roll off the tongue.

28. WHAT AGE DO YOU PLAN TO RETIRE?
I'll never leave you,
O Dario rerio,
O midterm exams!

29. WHERE DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
In a one-room school,
in the days before lightbulbs;
there, by candlelight!

30. SOMETHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT YOU HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE.
I'd like to travel,
and win a beauty pageant.
[We hate your answer!]


(1) Forgive me. Please forgive me.

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