Friday, March 25, 2005

Pharyngula: The Musical (Part Eleven of Several)

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SCENE: The same Prison as in the Last Scene. A brief Orchestral Interlude takes place at this juncture, during which, by means of Stage-Lighting, we see that several Days and Nights go past. PZ Myers adds up Tally-Marks on the Walls, writes Letters, and otherwise Amuses Himself to the best of his Ability (within the confines of Decency, of course). Occasionally, a Churchgoer Guard comes by, presumably to Make Sure he is Still There. After some time of this, the Orchestra Segues into a More Dramatic Theme, and Mr. Iscariot enters, in a state of great Discombobulation.

MR. ISCARIOT: Mr. Myers! Quick! Mr. Myers!

PZ MYERS: What is it now?

MR. ISCARIOT: Yonder tumult, yon commotion,
That's the Cardinal's devotion
Where the gallows towers tremendous,
And the vultures skulk, horrendous,
Trembling with anticipation
Of your grisly expiration!

PZ MYERS (with great Sarcasm): My own demise, I'd clean forgot,
My deepest thanks, Iscariot.

He turns his Back on the Traitor. Mr. Iscariot, Persistent to the Last, lets himself into the cell.

MR. ISCARIOT: That's not the news I came to tell.
I've come to free you from your cell!

He tears off his Coat, much to Myers' discomfort.

Like Sydney Carton, I shall take
A great man's place upon the stake!
Our time is short--put on my coat
And hasten forth, to where your note
Directed that your students go!
Take shelter there! No-one will know.


MR. ISCARIOT (attempting to remove PZ's coat by Force, with Little Success): No time to argue--quickly, fly!
Delay much longer, and you'll die.

PZ MYERS (shoving Iscariot away): No!

MR. ISCARIOT (falling to his Knees): But why not? Please! You have to hurry!

PZ straightens out his coat, and draws himself up to his Full Height. It is a Great Pity he is not Taller. The Orchestra strikes up a March, using lots of Percussion.

PZ MYERS: Sound the funereal fanfare;
I shall go forth, unafraid!
Let my last words be of freedom;
I'll stand before them, unswayed!

MR. ISCARIOT: Professor!

PZ MYERS: Raise up your scaffold unyielding;
I'll stand upon it, and cry:
"How does a man without Reason
Differ from pigs in their sty?"

MR. ISCARIOT: Professor, please!

PZ MYERS: Lead me, in chains, to the altar
I'll raise my dying refrain.
Sacrifice science for dogma,
You'll be no better than Cain!

MR. ISCARIOT: Ah, Professor! It's too late!

Offstage, the sound of Tromping Feet can be heard, and approaching Torchlight flickers on the walls.

PZ MYERS: I'm ready.

MR. ISCARIOT: Give it to 'em, Mr. Myers. Do the University proud.

The Tromping comes closer.

PZ MYERS and MR. ISCARIOT: Ah, sound the funereal fanfare;
I shall go forth unafraid!
Let my last words be of freedom;
I'll stand before them, unswayed (etc.)

A throng of Churchgoers floods the stage, bearing PZ off to the gallows, still valiantly Singing. Mr. Iscariot, left behind, sits down on PZ's vacated chair, in the cell. Enter the Narrator, wearing a Revolutionary Rosette over his Collection of Red As.

POMPOUS NARRATOR: I'm all aquiver! Will our dear Professor really snuff it like this, twitching and gyrating at the end of a rope? Will these sanctimonious buffoons never get their comeuppance? And what of Mr. Iscariot, and the students, and, for that matter, the University of Minnesota? Does our story end, thus, in a flurry of incense and cassocks?

What will happen, indeed? Only two scenes to go! Will PZ kick some Churchie buttocks, or will he only kick the air?
Part 12


Blogger Ryan said...

Don't let PZ die! Oh wait, I've got a better idea:

Write two different endings, and let the audience at each performance choose his fate. I think it would make for an interesting dynamic. Especially when it's performed in Kansas and Mississippi, as opposed to its slated debut off-off-off Broadway.

6:47 AM  

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