Friday, May 26, 2006

No Monkeys Where?

Pharyngula: Here in the North, there is no such thing as monkeys.

Says Molly T, from Cana-duh, the North is monkey-free:
We've human been since God decreed, and thus will always be.
And every faithful Northerner should proudly venture forth,
And preach it to the heathens: there's no monkeys in the Noarth.

There's monkeys in the jungle wild, and monkeys in the sea;
There's monkeys in Connecticut, although there shouldn't be.
But monkeys here, in Canada? I'll offer this retort:
We're monkey-free, and no, siree--no monkeys in the Nort'.

We're monkeyless in Montreal, and yeti-free in York;
And anyone says otherwise is asking for a fork
Entrenched in his behind--so let us shout for all we're worth:
There's absolutely, guaranteed, no monkeys in the Nurth.

There might be monkey mountaineers on Himalayan treks,
And monkeys in the Amazon, enjoying monkey sex--
But we, as proud Canadians, will give no hold or berth
To foolish foreign fantasies, like monkeys in the Nerth.

(NB: As a long-time resident of Canada, I should like to offer my sincere...er, mockery. What a twit!)

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Living on Poetry

Pharyngula: I think I shall never click...

The lyrical alchemist knows
That transmuting his words to cash flows
Is a pie in the sky.
Most poets don't die,
But pragmatically lapse into pros in another discipline that, although pedestrian, will keep bread on the table.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Kryonic Profit

Pharyngula: Kryon of Magnetic Service has all the answers

How sweet to play the prophet of the age!
To preach the music sung by DNA
And lift our flat depictions off the page
To planes unknown by scientists today.
In four-dimensional paradigms we're bound
To muddle time, magnetics, gravity
And matter placement. Suddenly profound
New science thrives in dodecality.
And sweeter still this grand loquacious dance
Of loaded words, that hint at hidden lore,
At harmony, at healing, at romance,
Attracts the wishers' wallets by the score.
Rely on this in future's land uncharted:
There're always fools and money to be parted.