No Monkeys Where?
Says Molly T, from Cana-duh, the North is monkey-free:
We've human been since God decreed, and thus will always be.
And every faithful Northerner should proudly venture forth,
And preach it to the heathens: there's no monkeys in the Noarth.
There's monkeys in the jungle wild, and monkeys in the sea;
There's monkeys in Connecticut, although there shouldn't be.
But monkeys here, in Canada? I'll offer this retort:
We're monkey-free, and no, siree--no monkeys in the Nort'.
We're monkeyless in Montreal, and yeti-free in York;
And anyone says otherwise is asking for a fork
Entrenched in his behind--so let us shout for all we're worth:
There's absolutely, guaranteed, no monkeys in the Nurth.
There might be monkey mountaineers on Himalayan treks,
And monkeys in the Amazon, enjoying monkey sex--
But we, as proud Canadians, will give no hold or berth
To foolish foreign fantasies, like monkeys in the Nerth.
(NB: As a long-time resident of Canada, I should like to offer my sincere...er, mockery. What a twit!)