Saturday, March 05, 2005

Pharyngula Live

Pharyngula: A Curious Discovery

Roll up one, roll up all for the show!
(There's going to be bears in, you know.)
There'll be capers with clownfish
And red fish, and brown fish
And fish from deep down, fish that glow!

Come one, now, come all to the fair
(They say all the stars will be there.)
There'll be Ratty and Moly
By all that's unholy
And Badger, and weasels in pairs!

Don't tarry, don't straggle, don't lag
(I hear they've got goldfish in bags)
There's ponies for riding
And whack-a-moles hiding
And fishes with faces like hags.

Buzz in for Pharyngula Live
(And bring all the rest of the hive)
Come schools and come herds
We'll teach you the words
It's a magical sing-along jive!

Live Again!

Pharyngula: Homo floresiensis, Flores Man

On Flores Isle the bones are found,
Neath shelt'ring rocks in dampen'd ground,
Midst sharpen'd blades and tools of rock;
Yet young these men, by nature's clock:
Some eighteen thousand years it seems
Since lives they had, and hopes and dreams.
Node and stem and clade and tree,
Let them be! Let them be!
Write their names upon The Loom,
Make them room! Make them room!

Still round the corner there may creep,
On reefs remote or snow-clad steep,
Some cryptid, spared the march of steel
And mankind's xenophobic zeal
To see himself the only child,
Unlike the beasts and nature wild.
Island, cave or hidden lea,
Let us see! Let us see!
Troglodytic tiny men,
Live again! Live again!

Homo Credulus

Pharyngula: Christian Right Wingnuttery

God's great perversion:
Is it the rough autumn frost?
Or Homo credulus?

A Researcher, Canny and Couth

Pharyngula: Monitoring Power Line

A researcher, canny and couth
Reveres, above all things, the Truth.
With his efforts robust
He's earned our trust
(And a sizeable gin and vermouth!)

Friday, March 04, 2005

The Pedagogic Ziggurat

Pharyngula: Discrimination and Bias by Webloggers

Comes the slap of plimsolls cheap
Beneath a heavy corduroy sweep
Here's the menace of the lab
Proctor, he, of knife and slab!

Fear his tread, you mouse, you rat,
The Pedagogic Ziggurat;
Scalpel gleaming in the dark
Ablaze, it seems, with Reason's spark!

Ah, I jest; it's not for you
He raises all this ballyhoo.
Your mousy blood won't slake his thirst;
His appetite's for Knowledge First!

See his coat-tails catch the light
(And his pallor, white on white)!
Look at him gesticulate
And lamentate the sorry state

Of academia today--
(Lamentate? What's that, he'd say!)
Hear his song, full sweet, full keen
"Ah, the wonders I have seen:

"Echinoderm and pachyderm, and dermestid and slug
Porifera, Cnidaria, and nematode and bug
Annelid and arthropod and protozoan creeps-a-lot
From hairy paramecium to pointy-toothy ocelot!

"Ah, the wonders, the wonders I have seen:

"Cricetomys, bensonomys, and anti-anteroconid
Monkey, ape and pithecine (oh, don't forget the hominid)
Plecoptera, neuroptera, and buzzy coleoptera
And though it's gone, we've not forgotten eph-e-mer-o-optera!(1)

"So leave the dog to chase the cat,
Unless it is a Salix (that
is pussywillow, son, to you)--
and get outdoors, now, go on, do!"


(1) Cough. Er, sorry about that.

The Terrible Mastigoatee

Pharyngula: Squid Sighting in the Deep Dark

Heigh-ho, and a tubful of nerds
Cast forth on the wide open sea
Alone with the wind and the birds
And the terrible Mastigoatee!

Old wives say it eats little swots
(The terrible Mastigoatee)
It ties them all up into knots
And carries them off for its tea.

Full fathom five, Alonso-wise
It dines with the eel and the scup;
It savours the lily-white thighs
Of the geeks it's drug down for its sup!

O, terrible eight-legged creature
O scourge of the briny blue sea
Eat my biology teacher
There's more flesh on him than on me!

Ode to Pharyngula

Pharyngula: About

Come hither; a ballad I'll sing-ula
Of a cell-cluster notably singular!
It's quite a remarkable thing-ula:
I speak, of course, of the Pharyngula!

It's like this: when you're just phylotypicous
When you're growing -erectus or -pithecus
With your Hox genes expressing forthwithicus
In pharyngeal arches magnificous--

Ah, come, sing the song of Pharyngula,
When you're neither a bird nor a bing-ula
When you're only a wee tissue ring-ula
Too tiny to bite, nor yet sting-ula--
Give voice to this ode to Pharyngula!